Shadows on the Wall
by NymphTrouble
Summary: Everyone knows of the Risa after she met the wild unwind Conner, but what about before, when she was growing up in StaHo? Risa hasn't had it as easy as everyone thinks. When you grow up like that, you learn you have nothing to lose... Rated M because I'm paranoid lol. And I suck at summaries so sorry bout that.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first story so basically, don't judge. No beta either so I've only got autocorrect which is utterly ridiculous but anyway I hope you enjoy it :) **

**Dedicated to Danny. And now without further ado, the first lovely chapter. **

Risa slid her switch blade from her front pocket in one swift movement and spun around, flipping open the blade as she turned. One... two... three... four... damn there are four of them. Pushing her thoughts to the back of her mind she held her knife in front of her loosely the way Shard had taught her. She stood with an almost easy grace and if it weren't for the bitter scowl on her face, she would have looked quite beautiful. Moonlight reflected off her silver eyes as she glared at her attackers: four guys within the ages of fifteen and eighteen. All large in stature but too burly. She saw their weaknesses immediately and in that moment her training took over. Going for the largest guy, she elbowed him in the stomach swinging around and landing a quick blow to his eye before slamming him against the wall. Holding her blade against his throat and anchoring him to the wall with one muscular arm, her gaze landed on the other three.

"Well hullo there," Risa's soft southern English voice drawled. Her body language remained threatening so her soft, playful, voice was disarming. The three boys looked at each other and then back at the young woman holding a knife to their mate's throat. "Care to tell me why you four are wandering round the streets at a time like this? It's dangerous out here. People like me. People worse than me." Risa's lips curled into a smirk as they looked her up and down, confused.

"You're dangerous beautiful? I highly doubt a girl like you could be dangerous babe," the boy slammed up against the wall spoke up looking amused.

The fifteen year old girl snorted in an unladylike manner. "Please. Who has you cornered against the wall with a knife to your throat? You honestly think I'm not dangerous? And call me beautiful or babe again and you'll regret it."

"Oh sorry honey. Didn't mean to offend you," the guy smirked at her. "Sexy beast thinking you can take us all on at once." Jerking his head once, two of the other boys closed in on Risa. In one swift move, she landed a kick to one boy's chest successfully knocking him to the ground before turning and punching the other one hard in the jaw. He crumpled to the ground nursing his jaw. He spat out two teeth while glaring at her angrily. Then only two remained. "You can fight well you cold hearted siren. Who taught you? Bet I could teach you a thing or two ey?"

Risa's eyes flashed at the comment and she flipped her blade over in her hand lazily. "I've got a knife mate and I'm not going to shy away from using it. I've used it before."

"I'm sure you have but will you use it this time? I'm Drew by the way."

"Oh pleasure to meet you. Really it's a pleasure. I'm Terisa." Smirking, she waited, letting him make the first move. It was easier to respond than to make the first attack. But he made a move she hadn't expected. Quick as a flash, he wrapped his arm around her waist and moved a hand to her cheek, pulling her face close to his own.

"So easy babe. You're at my mercy you know. I could take you right here." Risa's eyes widened she struggled against his hold. Unbidden, a memory flashed through her mind.

The door of eleven year old Risa's room cracked open and a man poked his head in. "Ree dear are you awake?"

"Uncle Mike? Wha... what are you doing? It's 2 in the morning..." Risa gigged at the thought of being up so early without anyone knowing.

Mike moved to lay down on the bed next to her in the darkness. "Princess Ree do you remember when we would go exploring when you were little? Want to play a game?" His voice got husky but being eleven, Risa didn't understand.

"Yeah Uncle Mike. Are we gonna play a game?"

"Yes honey. We're gonna play a very fun game," Mike moved his hand to the waist band of Risa's pajama bottoms and with his other hand he guided her hand to his own pants. "I could take you right here my Ree."

"Let me go, Drew." Risa began to panic, writhing and squirming in his grasp while trying to calm her beating heart and push the memory from her mind. Oh God no. Not again. Please no. Drew's hand moved down to her shirt causing her to flinch away but then she realised he was holding the small seashell that hung on a ribbon around her neck and she froze. No one ever touched that. Ever.

"What's this, pretty? Does it protect your ice cold heart?"

At that, Risa snapped, twisting out of his grasp and raining punches on Drew so fast that he couldn't react. Landing blows to his face and stomach as hard as she could and growling out with each hit, "Don't... touch that... or... me again... ever... got it?" Finally done, she pulled back from him watching a trickle of blood slide down his face from a cut on his eyebrow and his rapidly swelling black eye. "Stay away from me. All of you. Or you'll rue the day." Turning on her heel, Risa slid her blade back in her pocket and ran  
away down the street before they could react.

The door of the Haven slammed open, bringing with it a gust of cool autumn air. "Ris is that you?" a quiet male voice called from another room.

"Yeah it's me," Risa replied softly. Now she was safe she couldn't stop the tears from falling and her body began to shake uncontrollably with harsh sobs. Shard walked to the entryway pulling the girl close to him and cradling her in his lap, whispering gently in her ear until she calmed down.

Shard was tall, had shaggy light brown hair and blue eyes, and was around nineteen years of age. He was the head of their gang and could fight better with a knife than pretty much anyone, except for maybe Risa who he had trained himself. He was well built and muscular but had a deft sort of grace about him that he had managed to pass on to her as well. Quick on his feet and even quicker with his mind, Shard made for a brilliant fighter and a strong leader. He saw Risa as his best friend and had been there when she was eight and had first been out on the streets. They had been virtually inseparable ever since.

"Wanna talk tiger? Or do you think you're ok?" Shard asked, tilting the young woman's face so she was looking at him. She shook her head silently looking at him with her huge eyes. They had changed colour now and were a bright blue. Shard knew Risa better than anyone and knew what every colour meant. She was sad. And terrified. Anyone could see that but he knew without a doubt that something had happened that reminded her of her past. "Can you crash here tonight or do you have to go back to the prison?"

"I gotta go home. Sorry. Wish I could stay here. Maybe tomorrow though." A flicker of fear flashed through her eyes at the mention of 'home' but a moment later it was gone.

Gang life had taught Risa well but there were obvious down sides. She was reserved, only speaking when spoken to unless she was around Shard. Yes, she could fight well. Better than most in the gang, but she was the only girl. Shard couldn't help but wonder whether or not she craved the company of other girls. She must have been lonely with only guys for company but she never expressed such emotion so it was hard to tell.

Everyone knew about her home life though. Unlike the others, who were either orphaned or kicked out of their homes onto the streets, Risa lived in hell. They knew most of what went on there when they met up at school. She would show up covered in bruises and cuts and they would help fix her up enough that no one would ask questions. But there was one thing they knew had happened to her. Only problem was, she never spoke of it so it was just a shadow they saw flicker behind her steel grey eyes that told them she died a little more every night when she was out of their protection.

Shard nodded in acceptance even though he was worried out of his mind about the girl. "Ok then. Ris it's getting late. You better head home before something bad happens. Don't want your owners to make it harder than it already is right?" Risa shrugged and made no move to get up from her place on the floor near Shard. Moonlight slipped through the window hitting her raven black hair and reflecting off her bright eyes and pale skin.

Shard watched her finding it hard to look away. She seemed almost ethereal in beauty and it almost brought tears to the young man's eyes to think that someone would even think to hurt her. Heaving a great sigh, Risa stood and straightened out her appearance not noticing how her every movement was watched by Shard. "I guess I should go now huh? See you tomorrow. You do have lessons you know. Don't forget," Risa smirked as she said the last bit. "You'll forget anyway though. But be there cos I don't think tonight is gonna be fun."

"Yeah yeah ok. Later tiger." Shard stood with her and led her to the door of the old warehouse.

"Thanks for being round for me." Risa turned to look at Shard and placed a thin, fragile hand on his shoulder briefly before turning and vanishing into the night.

"Girl where the hell have you been? I expect dinner on the table every damn night! Not just whenever your pretty little mind feels like it."

"Well thanks mother. That makes me feel loved. I'll just go make dinner and wash the dishes and clean the house then. Oh and I'll go stop global warming while I'm at it how bout that?" Risa's voice dripped with sarcasm as she walked around the room straightening out what she could.

"I don't appreciate the tone girl." Silvia Crippen grabbed Risa's long dark hair and yanked her head back with a snap. "Careful. You're lucky your father isn't home."

"Oh well... sorry... and for... the record you two... aren't... my... parents." Risa fought for breath as her head was yanked back with each word. Scowling, she pulled her hair from Silvia's grasp and walked into the kitchen to start cooking.

Stomps echoed around the large house as Matteo Crippen entered. "Good evening dearest," Matteo said embracing his wife. "Hello my slut." Matt grabbed Risa's hand and slammed it into the sauce pan that had just started to get hot causing her to fight back tears as she felt the heat sear her palm.

"Stop. Please," she whimpered, trying desperately to pull herself away from the pan. Moments later Matt let her hand go and Risa let out a quiet sob at the sight of the burned and mangled skin.

"What are you doing girl? Finish dinner before your punishment gets worse. Don't want that now do we?" Matt's voice grew dangerously soft and he brought his face close to Risa's. Closing her eyes she tried to regulate her breathing and ignore the stench of alcohol on his breath as he spoke. After hearing him leave, she opened her eyes and assessed the damage done to her hand. Bad news. She frowned and wrapped it up in a dish towel to have Austin fix it up tomorrow.

The meal passed uneventfully with only Lydia's curious looks directed at Risa's hand. She asked no questions though and continued eating as if it were a common occurrence. Which it was. Risa was constantly beaten and injured but Lydia, like everyone else, turned a blind eye.

"Lydia dear, would you go up to the movie room? Maybe you and I can watch a movie tonight does that sound good?" Silvia attempted to sweet talk her daughter into another room. This gave away everything. Risa knew instantly that she was in big trouble. Standing quickly, she made for the door.

"Not so fast, girl," Matt's hand closed hard on Risa's shoulder making her wince. "You and I need to talk." Risa frowned. He was in no condition to talk at all seeing as he was far too drunk to even walk straight. But that made him infinitely more dangerous. He was a loose cannon. Risa turned slowly around to face Matt, trying to ignore the painful throbbing in her shoulder, and glared into his unfocused eyes.

"What more do you want from me father," Risa spat out the title like a swear word.

Matt moved his face close to Risa's and laughed. A cold, emotionless laugh. In one quick movement he grabbed her by the front of her shirt and threw her into a wall. Her head hit with a sickening smack and she crumpled to the floor. Blood trickled down the wall sliding into the dent made by her body and pooled around her limp form. "You made dinner wrong little girl. Never do that again or the punishment is worse."

Risa managed to raise her head enough to look at him. "You don't need a reason to beat me half to death every night. You just do. I do something perfectly and you find something wrong with it. What's the use in trying?" Her voice was weak and barely more than a whisper but held all the contempt, hopelessness, and despair that had built up over the years.

Matt's hand connected with her cheek and she could feel the sting of pain from the impact. "You stop trying, you die Terisa. And speak a word of this to anyone, you die."

Risa smirked, "I die a little more every day Matteo Crippen. You're beating the life out of a girl already dead." Matt merely spat in her face and left the room, leaving Risa to slip into welcomed darkness.

"Wake up. Now!" A foot slammed into Risa's ribs over and over again until she had regained consciousness. Looking around blearily, her eyes came to rest on Silvia's furious face.

"What do you want woman?" Risa groaned weakly.

"You've ruined my wall damn it! And you've gotten blood all over my floor! Get up and clean this mess. You had best be done in the next two hours, you hear me?"

"Yeah whatever, I hear you..." Risa pushed herself to her knees trying to ignore the pain coursing though her body and her pounding headache. Something dripped in her eye and she blinked at the sting and the sudden flash of red. Blood. Finally getting to her feet, she attempted to take a step but fell to the ground upon finding her legs were too weak to support her weight.

Silvia had long left the room but Risa was terrified. She'd been hit and slammed against walls before but this was worse than any time in the past. Her head pounded and her eyesight was faulty telling her she had yet another concussion. With a sigh, Risa got to her feet again and staggered around the house gathering cleaning supplies.

Risa stopped in front of the wall and winced upon seeing the divot where her body hit. Her eyes traced a ribbon of blood that trailed to a puddle on the white marble floor. With shaking hands, Risa worked the stains from the wall and floor until it was spotless. She couldn't help but think of a song as she worked and she began to sing softly as her tears fell quietly, splashing the floor.

No one looked,  
No one saw  
No one bothered to see what isn't there at all.  
Grown up in a shadow  
Hidden from the light  
Why's the world so cold and the sun not so bright?  
People, they aren't perfect  
I've seen the worst of their scars  
But why are they so blind to pain?  
When sadness and hurt are all I see?  
No one looked,  
No one saw  
No one bothers to see the darkness in us all.

Running her fingers through her dark hair, Risa sighed and got to her feet, looking at the now clean wall and floor. She shook her head as if to clear it and turned away, continuing through the rest of the house before finally falling in a heap in the corner of her room. Her fingertips slid across the cuts and dents that littered the walls - each one a reminder of a beating or some other form of abuse that they had seen over the years.

It was there, leaning against the wall and curled up under only a jacket, that Risa fell into a troubled sleep.

"UP! NOW! Where's breakfast girl? Thought I told you all meals should be ready before I asked for them."

Risa woke to a painful throbbing in her head, hand, and ribs. The lights were too bright and Silvia's voice, too loud. "Sorry mother. I'll be down in a minute so I can wait on your hand and foot," Risa sneered as she got to her feet. She tested her burned hand cautiously and winced as the slightest movement sent shocks of pain up her arm.

Swearing under her breath, she stumbled around her room pulling on a long sleeve black shirt with a silver dragon, black combat trousers, and black combat boots. Looking in the mirror, Risa frowned at the sight. Her face was pale and gaunt, her eyes were sunken and her cheekbones stood out strong against her skin. A bruise blossomed around her left eye making her look similar to a zombie. But like every day, she patiently covered her bruises with make up until they were invisible and headed down stairs.

With a mocking curtsey at the base of the stairs she glanced at Silvia, "What can I get for you this morning Madam?"

"Once again I don't appreciate the tone girl!" Silvia barked. "Go make breakfast before I punish you for being late." Risa flinched in fear but quickly masked her features to one that showed no emotion at all and walked into the kitchen.

"Oi breakfast is on the table," Risa called as she stumbled out the door. Once the cold, bitter, wind hit her, she relaxed allowing it to pierce through her thin shirt and freeze her beaten body. Holding her knife loosely under her jacket Risa began the 3 mile walk from her prison to school.

"Hey Ris! Wait up!" A tall blonde haired boy around eighteen ran up next to her. Risa grinned and landed a playful punch to his stomach. With a shout of laughter, he scooped Risa off her feet and threw her over his shoulder. "Surrender or I'll tickle you to the end of time," they guy said with a smirk poking her in the ribs.

Risa laughed and twisted away from his pokes, "Austin, I surrender you prat, just let me down."

"As you wish my dear." Austin dropped her carelessly to the ground and Risa turned as she fell landing nimbly on her feet. She let him walk a few yards before sneaking up behind him and catching him in a headlock.

"Your turn to surrender bro," Risa growled in his ear.

"God you have to stop doing that. Starting to sound like some of those east towners," Austin complained with a mock pout.

"Deal with it. I ain't changing and you know it," Risa responded sharply.

"Yeah ok. I know it. Now what's going on between you and Shard?" Austin raised an eyebrow at Risa, his brown eyes sparkling mischievously.

Risa's own eyebrows shot up and she looked over at him in surprise. "I haven't any idea what you're talking about." Shooting him a glare, she took her burned hand out of her pocket successfully side tracking him.

Austin snatched at her hand and held it gently, studying the burn and peeling skin. "What the hell?"

In response to his question, Risa merely shrugged, "What do you think? It was my daft excuse for a father." She rolled her eyes and snatched her hand away from him with a frown.

"Sure but what the hell did he do? Slam your hand into a heated pan?" Austin joked.

"Yup. You're getting good at guessing the origin of my injuries." Austin's eyebrows shot up again. He only had a few facial expressions to begin with. A smirk, one raised eyebrow, or both. Not the most expressive guy in the world, his eyebrows showed one of two emotions. Annoyance or disgust. This time it was the latter.

"Oh God Ris. I was joking. I didn't know."

"I know you didn't know you dimpo." Risa rolled her eyes at him. "That's why I told you. Now let's just get to school and you can fix me up once we're there, why don't you." Landing a quick punch to his shoulder, Risa took off at a sprint, dashing the last few blocks to the school grounds.

Risa reached the school ten full seconds before Austin and by the time he had run up, she was leaning against a wall humming to herself, not even winded from the sprint. Austin, however, was puffing like a dragon, fighting to regain his breath. Risa smirked at him, "Maybe you should cut down on the cigarettes ey mate?"

Austin raised an eyebrow and leaned on the wall next to her pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. "Never. Can't survive without a smoke," he said with a shrug.

Risa rolled her eyes and plucked his lighter from his fingers deftly before he could light up. "Not right now mate. Don't want your head full of smoke while you're patching me up," Risa drawled.

"Fine. But you have to give it back once I'm done," Austin frowned. Taking her hand in his, he worked slowly to fix what cuts and scratches he could. Minutes later a group of six more guys walked up. Shard ran instantly to Risa's side, pulling her into a hug.

"Oh my God never do that again. I was so damn worried about you all night," he whispered into her hair.

Risa shot him a look and pulled back, "I'm still standing you know. I'll be fine. Just have a lovely concussion and a few cuts and scratches," glancing down at her hand she added as an afterthought, "Oh and burns." Shard snatched up her hand inspecting it, his face drawn with worry.

The others sat back watching this exchange. None of it made sense. Rise payed attention to everything so how could she not see how much Shard truly loved her? Simple. She didn't think she deserved anything at all and ignored anything that said otherwise.

"She really needs to get her act together," Theo whispered to Austin with a grin.

Austin smirked in agreement. "Twenty bucks says she figures it out in four months."

"Twenty bills says she never does," Theo drawled sticking his hand out to shake and Austin took his offered hand with a roll of his eyes.

"Be prepared to surrender your money dude. I'm so winning this one." Risa looked up at him, confused.

"Austin, Theo, what on earth are the pair of you betting on now?" The two boys glanced at each other and and burst out laughing.

"Nothing... at all... dear..." Austin responded shaking in silent laughter.

Risa shot him a glare but let it go. A bell clanged through the courtyard and she sighed. "I had best go guys. Got my lesson on the other side of this place."

Shard nodded and hugged her gently, "Take care Tiger. I'll see you over lunch break yeah?" Risa shot him an amused look but smiled faintly, pulled her bag onto her shoulder, and vanished effortlessly into the school.

"Dude you are so far in it's crazy," Raz said as he landed a hand hard on Shard's back. Raz and Theo we're twins, sixteen years old, shorter, with dark hair and dark skin. The pair were loud and boisterous, constantly betting with each other on everything, but they were kind and good to everyone.

Shard glared at Raz and rolled his eyes. "She won't ever realise it anyway. Why do I bother?"

Austen snorted, "Cos you're in love with her man. You ain't gonna let those feelings go not matter what."

"Oh shut up all of you. I don't give a damn about your love lives," Marshall growled. Marshall was the tallest of the group, the third best fighter behind Shard and Risa, and the coldest of them; he felt nothing and rarely smiled. He ran his fingers through his raven black hair and surveyed them all with calculating, bright blue eyes. "Bang off guys. We gonna be late to class if you don't stop yappin now."

Raz and Theo snorted simultaneously, "Fine your majesty." The pair bowed to him mockingly and ran off to their classes.

Risa walked into her classroom and fell into her chair subconsciously rubbing her sore ribs. A tall, muscular boy walked in glanced at her and smirked at his friends, "Hey look, there's depressed anorexic zombie girl."

With flashing eyes, Risa stood, walked up to him, and landed a quick right hook to his face. A loud thunk resounded around the slowly filling room as her fist connected with his jaw. Risa smiled dangerously at the terrified and shocked look on his face, "What's wrong? Didn't think a depressed anorexic zombie could punch that hard? Well let me tell you, looks can be misleading." Turning on her heel, Risa walked back to her desk and sat lazily as if nothing had happened.


	2. Chapter 2

**Alright here is my lovely chapter 2. Disclaimer: Risa is my character and from my genius brain *pinches herself* aww damn never mind. Not mine. Not from my genius brain. Oh well. One can dream though right? Whatever. Chapter 2 :D**

"What took you so long? We were getting worried," Shard growled as Risa walked up to the group later that day.

"No Shard. Only you were getting worried. We were all fine. Only you-" Raz smirked but trailed off at the glare Shard gave him.

"Yeah welp all of you best shut your jaws or I'll shut em for yeh," Marshall hissed from his seat on a table not far away.

"Sure sure all of you hush up. I'm going for the night. My lovely mother needs me to do some party planning. Maybe I'll paint the walls tonight," Risa smiled bitterly and winked at Theo.

"How exactly do you expect to paint your house?" Theo asked. Of course he was always rather clueless when it came to things like that. However his question simply made Risa's cold smile widen.

"Mummy dearest is an artist. Perhaps she'll use my own blood for the walls this time. She said she wanted to paint a few of the walls red." Shard breathed in sharply at the comment and grabbed Risa's arm.

"No. Hell no. You aren't going home tonight. You're staying with me and we can get you out of there. We can keep you safe. You know we have connections." Shard's eyes searched the younger girl's but her eyes remained impassive and stubborn as ever.

"Shard you know as well as I that I have no option but to go home. I wish I could stay with you but I can't. I'm sorry." Risa yanked her arm from his grasp and turned away, glaring coldly. "I'll see you lot tomorrow then. Take care." With that she walked away down the street, vanishing around a corner and leaving the rest of her gang sitting there in silence. No one wanted to say a thing.

Risa took the long way to the house she had come to call her prison. She breathed in slightly as a bus drove past her and smelled the heaviness of the exhaust and smog that polluted the air. As time passed she got to a bridge that led over the Viron River. This was her favourite spot in the whole world; one of the few places she could think. The bridge itself was an old blue cable bridge about thirty feet from the water below where the steam ships passed at different times of the day. The fall was fatal but that had never stopped her from coming. It was her safe haven even if it wasn't truly safe.

Risa leaned against the railing and watched the water ripple below her when she hear someone talking to themselves as they walked by. Turning her head slightly, she saw a man walking past her quickly with his head down and he climbed up onto the narrow rail, holding himself steady with a metal support that ran vertically through the cables of the bridge. There were silent tears sliding down his face and he shook every once in a while as a fresh wave of sobs washed over him.

Sensing that something was off, Risa slowly approached him, careful not to scare him lest he fall into the water and surely die on impact. Hearing her, the man spun around on the narrow ledge and looked at her. His breath stank of alcohol that reminded her of her father. But this man was different somehow. He grabbed her wrist in a sudden movement and looked at her with crazed eyes speaking in a broken and slightly slurred voice, "Give me a reason!"

"I'm sorry sir," Risa's voice shook as she looked up at the man. "I don't know what you're talking about."

His hold on her wrist tightened and he looked at her his voice suddenly losing its slur, "Give... me... a... reason. NOW! Give me a reason to live. A reason to stay here. Anything, anything. Tell me life with get better!" He was looking at her so sadly now. So shattered, this man and her.

Risa's heart broke at his request. What could she say? She was a girl who had tried to kill herself far too many times. To tell him that life would get better seemed unfair and untruthful. A tear fell quickly down her cheek, "I... I can't sir. I'm sorry."

The wildness returned to his eyes and a growled, "I thought so. There is nothing to live for. Why do I bother?" His question was rhetorical and his eyes darted around so full of hatred toward everything. "Why do I bother?" He repeated while searching the sky and the hard white asphalt.

In a soft voice, Risa began to speak, looking at her wrist in his hand all the while, "We bother because a part of us will always wonder what would happen if we didn't. We bother because a part of us will always love the world despite its flaws. There will always be war, trials, suffering, anger. There will always be pain. But it's the hope that it will get better that keeps us going." She stopped for a moment collecting her breath. " We bother because we will always love the world. We will always love what we never had. If we throw it away we'll never know."

The man had stepped down from the ledge by then and was staring at the young woman in front of him. He gently released his grip on her thin wrist and touched her cheek with a rough hand. "You saved me tonight, girl. Thank you. I will be forever in your debt." With that he turned and walked away down the street.

"Where the hell have you been, bitch?" Risa walked into her house and winced at the voice. Shooting a glare in that direction, she ignored it and walked straight up to her room, quietly closing the door behind her. Once she was safely in her room she fell to her knees, body wracking once more in silent sobs, crying for the man who had nearly taken his life that night. The sight of a man who knew pain and sorrow and tried to get rid of it in the easiest way possible. A man who knew and saw the bad in the world and couldn't deal with it any better than Risa herself. Her hands shook as she slowly pulled up her sleeve or reveal a thick, pale, ribbed scar that wrapped around her wrist. It should have been fatal, the doctor said. She had wanted it to be fatal, and yet she was still there. Still breathing and very much alive.

Tonight, she didn't care about making food or cleaning the house. Pushing her furniture in front of the door, Risa fell fast asleep on the floor of her room, exhausted from what had happened.

Risa woke with a start at four in the morning and hissed in pain at the throbbing in her still burned hand. Looking around, she grabbed a random shirt from the floor and threw it on. She snuck out of her room and down the stairs, heading out the front door and walking nowhere in particular.

"Well hello there, pretty." A well tanned arm snuck around Risa's waist. She flinched and landed an elbow behind her, hearing the owner of the arm grunt in pain. Spinning around, Risa found herself face to face with none other than Drew, the bloke who had jumped her only a few nights before.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing," Risa growled. She was in no mood for a confrontation and found her temper sparking at every word he said.

"Just wanted to say hello to the sexy spitfire. Nothing wrong with that is there?"

"Erm no, I suppose not," Risa untangled his arm from around her waist and kept walking, ignoring his desperate pleads for attention.

"Did someone ever tell you that ignoring people is rude?" Drew asked shooting the young woman a sideways glance.

"Nope. And no one ever cared enough to try and teach me."

"Oh," Drew's eyes widened. "You're one of the State Home kids aren't you."

Shrugging dismissively, Risa nodded and continued walking toward her bridge. "So how are you still alive?"

"Excuse me?" Risa looked at him incredulously and raised a dark eyebrow at him, clearly unimpressed.

"You haven't been unwound yet," Drew said in an offhand way. "If you haven't been unwound then clearly there's something about you that makes you precious."

Risa snorted and a bitter smirk crossed her lips. "Being unwound would solve all my problems. Least I wouldn't be dead. But to answer your question, I'm apparently talented at playing the piano." She shrugged and bit her lip, thinking. "I don't know why I haven't been unwound though. I'm worthless and don't mean much to anyone. No one would miss me. But I can't seem to do something bad enough that they'd want to send in the order anyway." By now, Risa was talking more to herself than to Drew. In fact she had forgotten he was even there.

"What's keeping them from mailing the order?" Drew asked cautiously. He realised in that moment that the beautiful girl wasn't as perfect as she let on. Risa's head snapped to the side and she looked at him in surprise, as if she'd forgotten it was him she'd been talking to.

Pushing her hair away from her face, Risa turned to look at him, revealing a swollen black eye and split lip. "I'm a punching bag and a servant. Course I'm kept here. They'd miss me for what I do, not who I am." She laughed softly. "I don't even know why I'm telling you all this. Sorry."

Drew smiled slightly at the girl. "No problem. I get the feeling you don't talk much to anyone anyway. Least I could be of assistance."

"Haha why did you jump me a few days ago, then? So you could help me? That's a twisted way to help someone."

He sighed and raised an eyebrow at her while she ranted, "It wasn't even my idea. But you're pretty so I guess that's why we jumped you." Drew was forced to hold back a laugh as Risa looked at him in shock and then fell into a fit of laughter, gripping a rail on the walkway to keep from falling.

Once she had composed herself well enough, Risa looked at him, her eyes still sparkling with laughter, "You jumped me cos I'm pretty. Boys are so weird." She grinned at him and for the first time since he'd known her, the smile actually reached her eyes.

"Girls are weird too, sweetheart. Don't discriminate." Drew smirked at Risa pointedly.

"Fine fine I get it. We're all weird because we're human is that it?"

"Oh hell, don't go all philosophical on me you little wench. I don't think that way."  
Risa shrugged, a smile still visible on her lips. Suddenly, a flash of movement caught her eye by the bridge. "What? No," she murmured.

"What is it?" Drew spun around to look at her, shocked as her face paled considerably and she seemed fixated on something at the bridge, her eyes unblinking. "What's wrong?"

Risa spoke softly, her eyes not leaving the dark figure on the bridge, "There's a man on the bridge. He's going to jump off." With those words, Risa took off at a sprint, dashing the last few blocks to the bridge. Drew followed her, confused, until a man climbed up onto the rail and jumped just as Risa reached the rail where he had been standing only seconds before.

They didn't watch him hit the water, only heard the sickening slap on impact. Drew watched as the girl froze where she was, staring at her hands blankly. Without thinking, he walked toward her and took her small, cold, hands in his own. He tilted her head up so he could see her face. Her eyes were filled with pain and confusion.

"Did you know him? The man who jumped," Drew whispered.

"Yes. I knew him. He was here last night. I thought I saved him. I convinced him not to. I thought I gave him enough of a reason." Her hands started to shake but she didn't cry. Her who body shuddered but no tears fell. She simply stared at him. The lack of emotion was terrifying. For a moment she didn't even look human.

"Risa listen to me, it's not your fault. Never think that it is. You did more than everyone else. You have to understand that you did help him. Or tried to at least. You were just too late."

"I know," Risa whispered. "I'm always too late."

...

Risa got through school that day, staring at the teacher blankly. For once, no pranks were played, no poor unsuspecting spider was slipped into a book bag, and no pens exploded in glitter. Ultimately, Risa looked dead until the end of the day when she walked to her house with the company of none other than Drew.

"How was your day hon? You doing alright?" Drew watched Risa's face carefully, searching for cracks in her perfect façade. Finding none, he pressed further. "Do you need someone to stay with tonight? Could always come to my place. Spend the night. I can take care of you, keep you safe."

Risa glared at him, her eyes hardening to blocks of cold ice. "I don't need your help. I'm fine. Do you mean to imply I cannot take care of myself? I can care for myself better than you can. Don't you dare..." with a sigh, she broke off and buried her face in her hands. "Look at me. See what I've become? I'm a monster. I need to be unwound. If they don't send in a request soon, I'll send one in myself."

"Nooooo no no no you won't. You're going to stay here and work through all of this," Drew hissed while raising an eyebrow at her. "You know as well as I do that dying doesn't solve all your problems. And like you said earlier, you're an amazing pianist. Prodigy material. You could be great and playing in Carnegie Hall!"

Risa looked at her hands. "That's just it. My hands will go to Carnegie and the rest of me will be scattered around the world, being used by people that aren't me."

"Dont you go saying that now Terisa. You know you could be great."

The young woman plastered a fake smile on her face and mock curtsied to him. "Yes the greatest pianist of all time. Risa of StaHo! Thank you thank you all you're too kind," Risa smirked, bowing and waving to an imaginary crowd. The smile slipped off her face all too soon. "Of course that's only a dream. I'll never get out of this bloody ghetto."

"You'll get out of here Risa. You have more of a chance of getting out of here than I do. More of a chance than all of your friends. You could be great you know," Drew murmured as he watched the girl. It pained him to see her like that. So untrusting of the terrible world they had grown up in. She had seen a lot. It made sense she refused to trust the good. But that meant she was stuck dwelling in the bad. He knew it could get her nowhere and certainly not out of their predicament.

Risa glanced at him and raised an eyebrow. "Penny for your thoughts?"

Drew looked at her coldly before turning and walking away, vanishing into the streets. "Don't give up. Just don't."


End file.
